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The Occasional Project V.3

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Odd day vibes feels
Floating
Drifting
Wonderingly wandering
Limbo
Illusion
Delusion
Confusion
Disconnect
Not 2
The Void
Vastness
A point of creative space

Lots of my time in the last few months has been spent in daily meditation and self reflection.

Just as the CCE was beginning these words drifted into my awareness, “I am just a concept in my mind and a different concept in the minds of those who know me”. These words were my jumping off point. I always trust my cape and I’m known to jump. Additionally, Ram Dass’ ideas on becoming nobody crept into the mix.

Finally, “thinking different thoughts” was added when I read, “It was found that the average person has about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. Of those thousands of thoughts…95% were exactly the same repetitive thoughts as the day before. ~ TLEX Institute New thoughts seemed a good idea.

As these ideas swirled in my heart and mind they came together and chipped away at the foundations supporting the concepts of who I am.The ties that bind, loosened. My concept of myself, “ego” if I can go there, is out of focus.

It is scary. It is unnerving. Ask Lama Google, there is a fine line separating the mystic and the lunatic. As I voyage into these waters once more, there is a sense of disconnecting that is disconcerting. There is a sense of disappearing into the void that is both comforting and scary. What will be lost? What will be found?

I remember “It’s ok to be nobody”.
Enjoy the view. There is nothing else to do.

Thank you for stopping and interacting. You bring joy to my heart. Stay safe and well out there in the CCE. I love you.

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Not suitable for the narrow minded.

A Decade Review

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Happy 2020

For starters I want to thank everyone who has been part of my journey during the last decade. I love and appreciate you. You teach me so much.

Next, you should see my 2019 review. It is a subset of the decade and mentions things I worked on for years.

Lastly, here is a short decade review.

What were the most persistent or significant challenges of the past decade?

I almost died.
Losing both my parents in less than a month.
Another decade without romance. I began the decade without romance and expect that trend to continue until my death.

What is my empowering take on overcoming or coping with those challenges?

I embraced death and we came to terms.
Trying to stay fit while living in the bonus years.
Embracing that I’m not someone who will ever be in a romantic relationship. That is a very empowering realization. I’m obviously not a keeper.

Where was my head, heart, money, and career in 2010?

I was a full time college professor at the beginning of this decade. Now I’m unemployed.
I lived in a nice stick and bricks house with my son, and a young family of three.
I was dealing with the fallout from the death of my parents: their estate, heart wrenching grief, being the oldest child I became next in the family death queue, and the backup I’d had all my life was suddenly gone.
I had companion parrot I loved deeply.

How have things changed since?

The house is gone and I live and travel alone full time in an RV.
My son moved to the west coast. The young family moved into my other house.
I’m living in the bonus years thanks to a pacemaker. I cherish each day now. I want to suck the marrow from the bones of life.
I no longer have a parrot companion.
I am embracing change and several other paradoxes.

In what ways did the Universe guide me in a direction I did not expect?

The close encounter with death got my attention. Hard to ignore that one.

How did that serve the highest good?

It made living mindfully a lot easier and living mindfully is a game changer.

What event, accomplishment or relationship meant the most to me?

Not dying.
I have a female friend who sometimes is kind to me and other times treats me worse than she treats a stranger. I love her. On the first day of 2020 I’m not sure how she feels about me.

How did this decade prepare me for the next decade?

I have a pacemaker. Maybe my heart will make it another decade. I’m not counting my eggs before they hatch though.
I am much better at living and much better at dying.
Relationships are two way streets. Anything less than that is not a relationship.

If I had to fit the story of the last 10 years into a story or movie genre, what would it be?

Tragic Adventures

Thank you for reading, liking and commenting. 💛

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My best 9 IG pics in 2019

My best 9 IG pics in 2019

2019 in Review

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I don’t usually do this but there is some new feeling that “Time is running out” so this gets a whirl.

There were a few disappointments but overall 2019 was a great year for me.

There were no major problems with WHQ or my Jeep. I even managed to fix some big things myself and that made them minor.

My relationship with WHQ is more comfy. I’ve slowly been making it more and more my own.

With help from my family I put a new top on Jeepy. It was long overdue.

I spent a lot of quality time with my family and really enjoyed most of it.

I did not get sick or die and no people I love died. Those are always a win.

I took back control over two parts of my life that I had neglected and let drift into less than territory.

I revaluated my relationships and rearranged boundaries.

My tribe became more clearly defined.

I became more fit and as a result I lost weight and kept it off.

I physically and spiritually traveled to new places and enjoyed new experiences. Mindfulness was very important for me in 2019.

That’s a short list. Nothing really earth shattering and I’m sure I’ve left out things.

Thank you for reading, liking and commenting. 💛

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#bekind
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Cat in the window

Random cat in the window

Travel Day

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Travel Day Yesterday was a travel day. I pulled a card from the Osho Zen deck. It was the traveling card. No coincidences only serendipities.
Traveling tarot card.

Commentary: “This is the Eight of Fire (Wands), titled Traveling.  While the traditional image shows eight wands flying through the sky, and some more contemporary decks show people moving fast, here we have something quite different.  At first glance, we see a mountain ridge, and the sun in the distance, with low-lying clouds or mist obscuring much of the terrain.  Looking closer, we can see a tiny figure walking the path along the ridge-top. 

Speed does not seem possible here, nor is there any clear point of origin or destination.  There is just the fact of traveling, which makes me think of the journey of life, and sayings like “The journey is the destination”.  We have to keep on the go, there is no turning back, nor even any stopping.  While we may sometimes feel stuck, that sense of walking on the spot is unreal – life is still moving, we may just not see it.  Yet, the sun still rises each day on a new experience of life.  It may be similar to where we’ve been before, but it is never the same.

Ha, I do love the fact that life is always different.  Like the idea that the cycles of our lives follow a pattern like the sun, or like butterflies wings.  It loops around and back again, and it may seem we’re in the same place.  Yet, if we look closely, we realise that there are differences.  Given that I’m currently in a place that hasn’t been all that great in the past, I’m hoping the little variations hold the key to a different outcome.

I am grateful for the variability of life.”

After a three-ish hour drive I arrived and proceeded to set up WHQ. There were no unpleasant on the road surprises. A reoccurring electrical problem showed off some but didn’t remain. Freight Liner say unless it’s broken finding the problem and the fix is looking for that notorious needle in the hay stack.

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Ice-olation

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Today’s draw

In our society, men in particular have been taught not to cry, to put a brave face on things when they get hurt and not show that they are in pain. But women can fall into this trap too, and all of us at one time or another might feel that the only way to survive is to close off our feelings and emotions so we can’t be hurt again. If our pain is particularly deep, we might even try to hide it from ourselves. This can make us frozen, rigid, because deep down we know that one small break in the ice will free the hurt to start circulating through us again. The rainbow-colored tears on this person’s face hold the key to breaking out of this ‘ice-olation’. The tears, and only the tears, have the power to melt the ice. It’s okay to cry, and there is no reason to feel ashamed of your tears. Crying helps us to let go of pain, allows us to be gentle with ourselves, and finally helps us to heal.

We are miserable because we are too much in the self. What does it mean when I say we are too much in the self? And what exactly happens when we are too much in the self? Either you can be in existence or you can be in the self–both are not possible together. To be in the self means to be apart, to be separate. To be in the self means to become an island. To be in the self means to draw a boundary line around you. To be in the self means to make a distinction between ‘this I am’ and ‘that I am not’. The definition, the boundary, between “I” and “not I” is what the self is–the self isolates. And it makes you frozen–you are no longer flowing. If you are flowing the self cannot exist. Hence people have become almost like ice-cubes. They don’t have any warmth, they don’t have any love–love is warmth and they are afraid of love. If warmth comes to them they will start melting and the boundaries will disappeared. In love the boundaries disappear; in joy also the boundaries disappear, because joy is not cold.

It was a hard learned lesson, but I was taught to show my feelings and emotions. I no longer suppress my tears of sorrow or joy. I no longer tone down my love, joy, distain, weirdness, etc. I feel them. I express them. What you see is what you get and who I am.

The boundary between “I” and “not I” has become blurred. We are one and many. I am not separate from the environment. The environment is an extended body. I am not my body or my thoughts. There is more here than thoughts and labels. I am not separate from you.

“I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together” ~ The Beatles

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A Happier Camper

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While I’ve been in New Orleans I arranged for Happy Campers to create some new seat covers. The old ones were original with the RV, 1999. You can imagine. Well, it’s better not to imagine how bad they were.

These new ones are awesome. She even got the stripes lined up. I highly recommend this business. I am happier camper now.


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Adventures in Nomading 

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Two travel days in a row is tiring. But there is no rest for the weary traveler.   Another new nomadic lifestyle experience/adventure is in the making. 

Tomorrow an RV Hero is coming to service the AC units. This will be the first time they have been serviced since I’ve had the RV. The next day I’m going to visit the local Freightliner dealership. Maybe I can get an appointment. I want the brakes, the air dryer. and shocks checked.   

It is hard to set up house when the house may roll in to the shop for an unknown period of time. And there is the food in the fridge. And few as they are, all my things are in my rolling home. It is an exciting week.  

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The Inverter Saga

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Chapter 10

RV Heros returned as promised. 

He replaced the starting batteries.  

and the inverter.  


Later I returned the old battery cores.  

RV Heros did a great job for a reasonable price. I would call them again.  
I’ll be here until Dec. 17 and then I’m going to Gunter Hill.  

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The Inverter Saga

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Chapter 9

An RV Hero arrived in his crimson chariot.  OK OK a red truck   

After much looking and testing, he and I agreed to a two pronged attack. Phase one:

Replace the main batteries. 

$360 later I’m the proud owner of these beauties.  Not installed yet though. 

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The Inverter Saga

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Chapter 8


The Wheel of Fortune

A cycle of destiny in progress. The main lesson of this card is that things are always changing, so never let yourself get too comfortable. Complacency and remaining stationary stagnates growth.

When you are willing to go with the flow of life and can accept both the ups and downs as part of the whole circle; you will find a sense of power and be open to more opportunities.

Recognizing the cyclical nature of life gives you the faith to endure challenges and the hope/wisdom to seek positive new directions.

In life we will all have various up/down cycles; in the end all things serve a purpose. Take all of your experiences and grow from them. If you are in a “down” cycle just now, hang tight – things will come around again. If you are in an “up” cycle, bless that feeling but don’t become too attached. Always look for new ways to grow and shift.

Source: Spiritual Guidance Tarot

Everyone’s life is always changing. Some changes stand out.  Other changes are subtle.  My life is changing a lot these days.   Probably a good or bad or neutral thing.  hehehe 
I’ve been stationary a long time.  That may be ending or not.  It’s too soon to know.  One thing for sure, I don’t want to stagnat here in the cold grayness.

Generally, I’m pretty good with the flow of life and with its ups and downs and sidewaysness.  I think that may come with practice.  Maybe not. It’s difficult to tell.    

Embrace the change. 

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